21dec

i will not give up pursuing God, even if i keep stumbling and got bruised all over, i will stand and walk again. God, i may take longer time, please wait for me.

18Decemeber

it has been a long while since i blog. for the past few weeks, too many things had happened in my life. good and bad, they all come. i asked myself, where am i now... this blog is suppose to inspire others towards God but this entry is gonna be different from the rest, it's gonna be about me.

for the past few weeks, i did not turn up for church a few times due to work commitment. my spiritual life came to a downfall. i started skipping quiet time, i prayed less often, my heart hardened and i felt less of God. i am turning towards the world.

i got back to clubbing and drinking, to fill up the emptiness in my heart. this emptiness was once filled up by her, who took a part of me and left. memories of her came back to me these few weeks, followed by heartache and anger. on top of this mixed feeling, the thought of another her who treasured me yet i chose to leave, stirs up even more emotions from within.

a little of the story, i met A and we started off as a young couple. soon it ended and i got into drinking and clubbing, hoping to find an escape through these. 3months later, i met B. she was always there for me, going the extra miles for the relationship. i was affected and we got together. she was so nice, accepting the fact that i can't forget A, she even tried to help me get over A. yet, we broke up cuz i can't take the stress. it was unfair to her either way, be it breaking up or not breaking up.

thank you mx, this song is for you.


on top of that, stress at work. items missing and i was blamed for it when i was not even around the site. i was accused of not doing my job when in fact, i have worked till my injury got worsen. buggers at work.

i am ending with this last piece of bad news, my physiotherapist said that i can no longer carry on my shooting.